Monday, April 27, 2009

My eyes are sweating

OK, well either my eyes are sweating or I'm crying because I'm such a wuss about heat...

The building I work in has not yet turned on the A/C and according to the digital thermometer in my office it is 89 degrees Fahrenheit in the shade. Clearly as a gentleman of Swedish decent I am built for the cold...and when it gets above about 65 degrees I start to get unhappy... 65-75 though I can still function. Anything above 80 and my brain begins to resemble a brain on drugs as depicted in the 1980's

I simply can't take it! Why is it so damn hot! Its not even May yet... Anyway the whole point of this entire post is to see if anyone has the knowledge or ability to make me a Snuggie composed entirely of those blue gel ice pack thingies. I could just cool it down in a cooler, then maybe have some sort of absorbant covering to soak up any condensation or sweat ('Essence of Swede' as its known in the fine food community). If anyone can make this happen please let me know ASAP. I don't have much time left before I become a boiling puddle like "Pizza the Hut"

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Really Television? Really...?

Its tax day... I'm sure many of you, like me, feel like you have been teabagged by the government just a little bit today. This is the first year in my whole life that I havn't gotten a refund, and actually owed money to Uncle Sam. That is a huge kick in the Oval Twins that I never ever wanted to feel, but alas I have today. Granted I owed less then $200 bucks, but I'm used to like a 4 digit refund. Its all my fault, when I re-did my tax forms upon getting hired for this job I set it up so I would receive more money per pay check and knew I would get a smaller refund. I did not realize it would be so small that it would fall on the other side of the zero.

Anyway, this was on the news the other day. The NEWS!!!!!!! The place you go for information and insight into our world. It feels like the 7th grade lunch table and I can't believe they would allow this to air. Our country has gotten so crazy...

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Time < Creativity

I'm gonna catch up on this blog soon... I swear. Stay tuned.

Meanwhile, in light of the holiday...enjoy

Away in a graveyard, a stone overhead
The zombie lord Jesus is raised from the dead
The bones and the corpses are at his command
And rise like their master to swarm o'er the land!

The women are screaming, then running away
Poor Mary and Martha are gnawed where they lay
I fear thee, lord Jesus, your curs├ęd undeath
With worms in your bowels and rot on your breath.

Have mercy, lord Jesus, don't eat me today
Next year I'll be bigger, I promise! I pray
Some shaman or rabbi or priestess or such
Will stake you and save us from your deadly touch.