Friday, December 26, 2008

So this is Xristmas...

Forgive me blog for I have sinned. It has been over two weeks since my last blogsession. I blame my hiatus on being too busy to be clever and write something here, and also on the fact that I've been travelling a lot lately. Not so much travelling as taking peyodi and sitting in the bathtub and pretending I'm on the log ride at Dutch Wonderland. In addition to that however I really have been travelling via plane and automobile (no trains, they're for poor people). I'm currently up in Minnesota for the holiday's communing with all my fellow Swedes. Its like a blonde hair convention up here and I love it. The part that I DO NOT love is that it is colder then a dead witches titty eating a popsicle up here. Last night it was -14 F. Air temperature, not wind chill. When the wind blew in on you at that temperature it felt like frozen needles flying through you at an incredible speed. Now I always say that I prefer cold over being hot, and that I never really get cold and that I'm extra warm blooded because of my beautiful nordic blood... but screw that, its damn cold and I don't care for it.

Luckily there is an abundance of good booze to keep the blood from freezing and I've been chauferred everywhere I go up here so there is no excuse not for me to keep a good buzz going. And with that...My Bailey's with coffee in it is almost gone. Time to go get liquored up and play with my brand new favorite Christmas present... CASH!!!

Friday, December 12, 2008


I have very little to say about this so far... But I had to share it. WOW thats awful.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Get off my television you HACK!

Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night in a panic and not know why? You sit there for a moment and get your upper torso out from under the covers only to realize you are in a cold sweat and half of you is melting and the other half is frozen and you're out of breath and your heart is racing and you can't for the life of you explain what is going on? That happened to me last night and I suddenly realized why... It was because I HATE NICHOLAS CAGE! OH MY GOD DO I HATE HIM SO MUCH!!! I was flipping through the channels last night and accidentally stumbled on two of his newest "movies". These two epic masterpieces were "Ghostrider" and "National Treasure: Book of Secrets".

I've always known I've hated Nicholas Kim Coppola (yeah that's his real name) but it never occurred to me how much until last night. First lets start with the name and the lineage. He is the nephew of Francis Ford Coppola who is an amazing director and a Hollywood powerhouse. So in an attempt to not appear that his uncle was getting him all his movie roles he changed his name to the super badass "Nick Cage". Surely this sounds like a guy who could jumpkick through a Mac truck... but then look at the man. He's a WASTE. For 20 years he's had the hairline and the haircut of an overweight retired drifter. Not to mention his constant expression of "I'm entitled to my stupidity and garish grimace because I'm an action hero".

Some of you may be saying to yourself...wait a minute... what about "Raising Arizona"? Ok, Ok... that was a good movie and he did a good job playing a braindead hick. If he would typecast himself into that type of role then I'd have no problems. But "Know Thyself" Nick...

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Game Day

Its nearly the end of the first quarter in the Eagles game and so far I've been halfway out the door heading to three different places to watch the game, only to get a text or phone call last minute that plans have changed and all my friends will be going elsewhere. I've gotten one shoe on heading out to two different bars in West Chester, and nearly been picked up to head to Conshohocken to watch the game with some ladies. Yet here I sit in limbo waiting for the next clue as to where the best adventure will be.

I'm seriously considering just lighting a few cigarettes, spilling some stale beer on the carpet (yes I have stale beer on reserve), deep frying something and just pretending I'm at a crowded bar where everyone is just being really really quiet. And hiding. Maybe for a surprise party. Maybe its for me! HOORAY.

Nope, I'm going to Conshohocken... Shoulda started drinking hours ago...

Saturday, December 6, 2008

How does this work?

Alright... Zibbs may have convinced me to start a blog last night. Last night I was standing in a circle of "accomplished" bloggers, talking about the people we mutually know both in real life and in digital life, and I realized that maybe I too can submit my thoughts to the world of nerds and see what happens.

So here goes... Commence the blogging...

So what now? Do I just write about what I'm doing, or going to do, or have done? Right now I am making two tiny pizzas in my toaster oven. I would feel like a glutton if I ate the exact same amount of pizza combined into one medium pizza, but somehow if I break it down into two tiny pizzas I just feel like a hungry GIANT. And I'm ok with that.