Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Get off my television you HACK!


Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night in a panic and not know why? You sit there for a moment and get your upper torso out from under the covers only to realize you are in a cold sweat and half of you is melting and the other half is frozen and you're out of breath and your heart is racing and you can't for the life of you explain what is going on? That happened to me last night and I suddenly realized why... It was because I HATE NICHOLAS CAGE! OH MY GOD DO I HATE HIM SO MUCH!!! I was flipping through the channels last night and accidentally stumbled on two of his newest "movies". These two epic masterpieces were "Ghostrider" and "National Treasure: Book of Secrets".

I've always known I've hated Nicholas Kim Coppola (yeah that's his real name) but it never occurred to me how much until last night. First lets start with the name and the lineage. He is the nephew of Francis Ford Coppola who is an amazing director and a Hollywood powerhouse. So in an attempt to not appear that his uncle was getting him all his movie roles he changed his name to the super badass "Nick Cage". Surely this sounds like a guy who could jumpkick through a Mac truck... but then look at the man. He's a WASTE. For 20 years he's had the hairline and the haircut of an overweight retired drifter. Not to mention his constant expression of "I'm entitled to my stupidity and garish grimace because I'm an action hero".

Some of you may be saying to yourself...wait a minute... what about "Raising Arizona"? Ok, Ok... that was a good movie and he did a good job playing a braindead hick. If he would typecast himself into that type of role then I'd have no problems. But "Know Thyself" Nick...

7 comments:

Chele said...

do you know why I hate Nicholas cage?
Because he is such a shitty ass actor who cant even get a job in Hollywood so he has to come to where I live in Bangkok and make a really REALLY shitty film here with the local people here a movie that is so shit you knw Steve Segal and Jean Claude Van damme even rejected it.
In case you didnt notice..I really did not like the movie

Swedish Chef said...

I feel your pain Chele. I keep waiting for him to go away but he never does... hopefully that crappy movie will be the end of him...

Dr Zibbs said...

He sucks. And you know who doesn't? You. Because you now have Chele the model and former pop star as a follower. As do I.

sista #2 said...

Why don't you tell us how you really feel.


peace
#2

Chele said...

wow........dr.zibbs.........
you sure are something

Swedish Chef said...

I am honored.

JDizzle said...

Totally loved Raising Arizona and also Leaving Las Vegas (I think that's what it was called when he played a drunk) But now, for some reason, he keeps getting cast as this "action hero". Say what? The guy's got more atrophied muscles than me and a bad comb over. How is this possible?