Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Get off my television you HACK!
Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night in a panic and not know why? You sit there for a moment and get your upper torso out from under the covers only to realize you are in a cold sweat and half of you is melting and the other half is frozen and you're out of breath and your heart is racing and you can't for the life of you explain what is going on? That happened to me last night and I suddenly realized why... It was because I HATE NICHOLAS CAGE! OH MY GOD DO I HATE HIM SO MUCH!!! I was flipping through the channels last night and accidentally stumbled on two of his newest "movies". These two epic masterpieces were "Ghostrider" and "National Treasure: Book of Secrets".
I've always known I've hated Nicholas Kim Coppola (yeah that's his real name) but it never occurred to me how much until last night. First lets start with the name and the lineage. He is the nephew of Francis Ford Coppola who is an amazing director and a Hollywood powerhouse. So in an attempt to not appear that his uncle was getting him all his movie roles he changed his name to the super badass "Nick Cage". Surely this sounds like a guy who could jumpkick through a Mac truck... but then look at the man. He's a WASTE. For 20 years he's had the hairline and the haircut of an overweight retired drifter. Not to mention his constant expression of "I'm entitled to my stupidity and garish grimace because I'm an action hero".
Some of you may be saying to yourself...wait a minute... what about "Raising Arizona"? Ok, Ok... that was a good movie and he did a good job playing a braindead hick. If he would typecast himself into that type of role then I'd have no problems. But "Know Thyself" Nick...